


For Science

by youweara_jacket



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Crack, Fluff, M/M, pete&patrick are shield agents, yeah..based loosely off a thing on tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-09
Updated: 2013-03-09
Packaged: 2017-12-04 18:04:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/713518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youweara_jacket/pseuds/youweara_jacket
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pete and Patrick are SHIELD agents. Patrick is oblivious, Pete is trying his best, and Steve and Tony are in denial.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Science

**Author's Note:**

> based loosely off an idea from tumblr. beta'd by the lovely emma.

Pete can't help his own physical appearance, Patrick knows this; he knows Pete can't help the way the rolled-up sleeves of his white button up make his tattoos pop against his tan skin; he knows Pete can't help the way his smile makes his teeth seem too big for his mouth; he knows Pete can't help the way his eyes sparkle when the sunlight hits them from just the right angle.

What Pete can help is how often he harasses Patrick. 

He'll be making more coffee for himself when it's two a.m. and he's working on some report for another for Coulson and Pete will pop out of no where, casually asking Patrick what he's doing, how long he's been doing it for, and isn't Coulson just a bitch when he hasn't been laid in a while? Never does he tell Patrick what he's doing at SHIELD at such an ungodly hour, no matter how many times Patrick asks.   
Pete will also show up when Patrick is trying to run something to Director Fury, usually only when it's something urgent, and he'll walk along side Patrick and ask him what he's doing this Friday. Patrick will reply with the obligatory and long-suffering response he usually gives: "Pete, not now, this is really important if you want anyone within a five-hundred mile radius of here to live to see their next birthday".   
Sometime Andy or Joe will overhear these things and tell Patrick to stop being such a bitch, which Patrick doesn't understand at all. It's not like Pete is asking Patrick what he's doing at SHIELD at the crack-of-ass in the morning or what his weekend plans are because he genuinely gives a fuck, it's because he's cocky and annoying and likes to make Patrick blush and then laugh at him. If Pete really was coming onto Patrick, he'd know and would be all over that in a second.   
But Pete's not really interested, he's just being a dick, so none of that really matters anyway. 

The real trouble starts when the whole "Avengers Initiative" thing kicks into gear. While Patrick is all for hot, muscular guys in spandex running around the city and saving his incapable ass from aliens and the like, he's not exactly fond of them giving him romantic advice. He's had at least three of them inform him that he's an "oblivious idiot" or "romantically disabled" or some shit, and Patrick hardly thinks that's fair when two of their own team members are constantly staring at each other's asses and dancing around the idea of doing more than awkwardly stuttering back and forth about the weather in place of conversation and/or giving each other hand jobs. The worst one is Tony, who spends his time pointing out all the things Pete does that are "clearly" come-ons and invitations for Patrick to let his ridiculous crush get out of hand.   
Patrick has to remind himself that Tony Stark is hardly a reliable authority on monogamy. 

He finally cracks on (what he thinks is) a Friday. 

Patrick's minding his own business, trying to figure out if the stuff that appears to be growing in his coffee mug is simply mold or the would-be start of a zombie pandemic, when suddenly Pete is there.   
"Trick! What're you even doing here? It's a Sunday, for fucksake." He's awfully close to Patrick, definitely popping his personal bubble with that sharp little smirk of his. 

"Sunday? What are you-Pete, it's Friday. The tenth, remember?" Pete just cocks his head to the side in his best imitation of a confused puppy. 

"No…" He starts carefully, lifting his wrist and shoving that into Patrick's personal space too. "It's Sunday. The twelfth. See? Official SHIELD-issue watch, never lies."

Patrick frowns; he's been here since Friday night, filling out and filing paperwork to do with various types of collateral damage the Avengers have caused. He's discovered that while the image of buff superheroes does wonders for his alone-time, not everyone loves them so much. They try to pin nearly every sort of negative thing on them, so it's part of Patrick's job to make them seem less horrible.

"What, have you bee here since Friday or something, never surfaced from the basement?" Pete's tone is joking, but when Patrick doesn't respond and simply scuffs the toe of his shoe on the ground Pete's brow furrows.   
"Wait, you're not serious are you?"

"It's really not a big deal, I mean, someone has to do it and it's totally okay or whatev-"

"No! That's, I'm pretty sure that's not even legal, and it's definitely not humane. I am so talking to HR about this, don't you worry about a single think Rickster." Pete ruffles Patrick's hair and then he's gone, already babbling away to someone on a cellphone about the unfair working conditions a coworker is enduring. 

Patrick sighs and turns his attention back to the goo in the bottom of his coffee mug.

"That kid is head over heels for you, you know." 

Patrick jumps at the voice, not having heard Tony come into the break room. He still finds it ridiculous that the man is a billionaire, has his own top-of-the-line lap (and, presumably, his own top-of-the-line nook in which to make caffeinated beverages) and yet he still chooses to come to SHIELD on a fairly frequent basis. Though, from what Patrick last heard, the Captain was still a resident at SHIELD, which would explain a lot. 

"Would you all stop with that bullsh-" He starts, setting the mug down. It's a darker blue, nothing on it but the surprisingly vivid color. Pete had given it to him, said it had matched the color of his eyes. 

That thought stops Patrick: Pete had bought him a mug to match his eyes. 

Pete had noticed the color of Patricks eyes, to the extent that he could match it to the color of a much. 

Pete, on a regular basis, shows concern for Patrick's well being. He asks why he isn't home, asleep, at three a.m. on a Sunday morning, and calls HR and bitches because Coulson made him work a bit longer than he should have. 

Pete asks Patrick what he's doing over the weekend, so that he can make plans with him.

Patrick blinks, then looks at Tony. He rolls his eyes at Patrick.

"Finally. Someone was in denial, or something."

"Says you." Patrick snaps back, and Tony's eyes narrow.

"What exactly is that supposed to mean?" He scoffs and shoots Tony the same look he had seen but a few seconds before.

"You and Captain Prude always seem to be eye-fucking one another. Rather conspicuously, may I add."

"Look, what Steve and I do-"

"But that's the point! You don't do anything. You both get all "it's a work relationship" and "it'd be bad for the team" and everyone knows it's complete and utter bull."

"Oh c'mon Stump, it's not like that-"

"Really? Fine. Go make out with him, or something!" Tony has a menacing grimace on his face, clearly ready to wring Patrick and his stupid dares by the neck. He finds his way out of the break room and lets himself out, muttering all the while about meddling kids. Patrick briefly wonders what kind of job he works where no one will leave each other alone about relationships. He's barely had time to flick the coffee machine on when Pete comes hurdling back into the room, looking as though he's just run a mile. He skids to a stop right in front of Patrick, a hand resting on each shoulder. 

"Okay…so…" Pete takes a few moments to catch his breath before grinning like a Chesire cat and continuing. "I went to HR, right? And they sent me to talk to Coulson directly because they were busy, or some shit, I don't know. So then Coulson went on about how it was all in your job description and blah blah blah, so I dodged some security and went to talk to Fury. Long story short, you-very briefly- lost your job, then I got you it back, then the security personnel started chasing me so I had to sprint." Pete pauses, either to catch his breath or let patrick reply, but all Patrick can do is quirk a single eyebrow. 

"Um…why?"

"Technically I don't work here anymore. And I spent most of my allotted desk-clean-out time running back here, so they just want me gone at this point." Patrick spends a few disbelieving moments connecting the dots.

"Wait you-you lost your job so that you could get me my job back?" Pete simply shrugs. Patrick feels his stomach start to churn. 

"Well, I was the one who got your job lost in the first place so it's only fair-" 

He sort of wants to cry now. 

"That's not fair at all! I've been a dick to you for a full year and a half while you've been nothing but nice and now you don't have a job and that's-"

"So? Don't you get it, Patrick? You are so worth losing something as small as a job over! You're way more important than following the orders of some guy in an eye patch. Didn't you know that?" 

Pete is looking at Patrick with such an earnest expression upon his face that it hurts. Patrick bites his lip, glances away from Pete's intense gaze. 

"I-well-I mean-I sort of just figured it out, but I guess-" He's cut off by a frighteningly shrill cry coming towards them. It seems to be words, almost, perhaps in English. It takes Patrick a moment to make it out but by then all he sees is a blur of six-foot-something in a white t-shirt running down the hall, followed by a smaller blob of black crying "STEVE! NO, STOP, COME BACK! MY LUNG CAPACITY IS DIMINISHED BECAUSE OF THIS DAMNED NIGHTLIGHT IN MY CHEST, THIS IS NOT FAIR!" 

They both stop and take a step towards the bulletproof glass that separates the break room from the wide hallway. 

"Uh, what are they-" Pete manages before he's shocked into silence by the sight of Steve running the opposite direction, Tony having somehow managed to climb upon Steve's back so that it would seem as though he were receiving a piggy back ride. 

"DAMMIT STEVE STOP--WHY DON'T YOU MAKE ME--" Their voices fade for a second time and Pete turns to look at Patrick, shaking his head a bit. 

"Anyway, like I was saying Trick, your existence is pretty much the highlight of my life. So I think I can live without this job. Ya know, so long as I still get to see you." Patrick opens his mouth to speak but is cut off again by Tony's war cries. 

"NO, WE ARE SO DOING THIS NOW. GET OVER HERE. RIGHT HERE. THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHANCE THAT THIS WILL FUCK EVERYTHING UP BUT I CANNOT SAY NO TO A DARE." 

Pete seems genuinely shocked when Tony presses his lips to Steve's. 

Then he starts laughing. Patrick doesn't really get what's so funny, because they're starting to use tongue now and he's kind of grossed out and feels as though he's intruding upon an incredibly personal moment. So he looks over at Pete, with his giant smile and squniched up eyes, and wonders why on earth he's saying that Tony Stark is a genius. 

But then Pete is kissing Patrick, soft and sweet, and it's nice. He's only been kissed a few times in his life, and none of those times were nearly as memorable as this. Patrick wants more from Pete, he honestly does, but they're in the basement of SHIELD headquarters, and the only thing that's separating them from creating a naked-SHIELD-personnel-sammich is thick glass. Pete seems to get that though, which is awesome. 

"Hey, Trick. I just got laid off. Wanna make the most of my place before I can't afford it any more?" Patrick shoots him a half smile. 

"You'd think you could come up with something more romantic, seeing as I'm the one who made you lose your job. Guilt isn't really a turn on for me." Pete shrugs.

"Sorry. My brain's kinda scrambled right now. Your mouth has that effect on me."

"Wanna find out what other kinds of effects my mouth has on you? You know, for science?" Pete grins like an idiot, resting their foreheads together.

"Totally. For science."


End file.
